Frequently Asked Questions About Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

One thing that makes humans unique is their ability to form bonds and create meaningful relationships. You see this connection in families, in friendships, in workplaces, and a whole lot more. And in these connections lie one of the most profound emotions in the world: love. As a French novelist once said, “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”

According to the Ancient Greeks, there are different types of love. There is the so-called storge, referring to a love that exists between a family. On the other hand, eros perfectly describes a physical, emotional, and sexual attraction to another individual. This is the type of love seen in romantic relationships, whether in dating or marriage.

Romantic relationships are perhaps the most complicated and most unstable form out of all relationships. Psychology defines a romantic relationship as a voluntary connection between two individuals with mutual liking and understanding. People who enter this type of relationship have intentions to become a long and significant part of each other’s life. The two people in a relationship are referred to as a couple, meaning to pair up by society.


Despite the mutual liking and understanding between couples, many people find differences in their relationships later on. These dissimilarities are often caused by habits, lifestyle, opinions, beliefs, culture, and many more. After all, each individual is still unique in their ways.

When couples find themselves drifting further and further away from their relationship, most begin to seek a therapist’s help. One of the most common couples therapy is emotionally focused couples therapy.

If you are in a relationship and you and your partner are trying to save the love, you might want to try EFT. Here are some of the frequently asked questions about it:

What is emotion-focused couples therapy?

Emotion-focused couples therapy or EFT is an approach in psychotherapy concerned with helping any marital or relationship disputes or distress. Its primary goal is to identify any stressor between the couples and guide them to secure and improve their relationship based on their emotional well-being. It is also established following the attachment theory, meaning two individuals share an affectionate bond.

Does emotionally focused couples therapy work?

Yes. According to recent studies, about 90% of couples who have undergone EFT have shown significant improvement in their relationships. Emotionally focused couples therapy is now considered one of the most effective treatment approaches for relationships.

How do you use emotion-focused therapy?

Our emotions tell us a lot about our lives. They are vital factors, and emotion-focused therapy helps us recognize their importance. Therapists often recommend EFT in couples to help them raise awareness of their emotions and which one of those emotions will help them achieve their goals. In EFT, individuals are also guided in coping in any event an intense feeling of emotion arises. These are some of the uses of emotion-focused therapy.

What are the stages of EFT?

There are three stages of EFT, and each stage has its steps to follow. The first stage is called the de-escalation phase, wherein the assessment of the relationship and its history is made. Next is the changing interaction patterns or bonding phase. This is the part where the partners express their emotions, needs, and goals. Consolidation or integration is the last stage when the therapist addresses new solutions to address old problems, and the partners bond together to create future plans.

What are the 9 tapping points?

EFT follows the same nine tapping points in tapping therapy: top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, collar bone, underarm, and karate chop. These are the body parts or spots a person taps to stimulate the body and relieve it from any pain. Tapping is a technique known to help with anxiety or fear.

What are the pressure points for tapping?

As mentioned earlier, nine tapping points and eight are the main pressure points for the technique. The top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, collar bone, and underarm. Tapping therapy works like acupuncture, putting pressure into the said points to release any negative energy or emotions in the body.

How many times a day should you do tapping?

There are no required times in a day that you should tap. However, it is recommended that an individual practicing EFT should tap at least 3-5 times daily for about 3-5 minutes each time.

Does tapping help you lose weight?

Tapping does not necessarily help one lose weight. All the research and data regarding the topic are purely anecdotal at this point. There are some cases wherein tapping has helped individuals curb their appetite, resulting in their weight loss. However, the result is not always the same for everyone. If you are trying to lose weight, physicians and therapists still recommend eating healthy and getting enough exercise.


Does tapping relieve pain?

The simple answer is yes. Like the traditional Chinese medical practice of acupuncture, tapping therapy allows pressure points to stimulate the body. Stimulating the body means relieving it from any physical pain or emotional distress.

Can you do EFT on yourself?

Absolutely. EFT is proven to be an excellent self-help tool. It is effortless yet effective. One can begin EFT by acknowledging his/her feelings at the very moment and then start by tapping one of the pressure points. You can continue tapping on different points while simultaneously thinking or speaking affirmations out loud.

How long does it take for EFT tapping to work?

EFT tapping is one of those one-minute wonders or miracles. It works and shows you significant improvement almost always instantly. After doing EFT tapping three to five times daily, you may feel immediate comfort or relief. However, this does not guarantee that you are cured. There will still be moments when you will feel anxious, worried, or scared, and that is okay. You can try and do EFT tapping for as long as you can until you feel better altogether.

Is EFT scientifically proven?

Yes. There has been an extensive study on EFT’s effectiveness as a treatment approach, especially for mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and phobias. Each research has been conclusive and has brought back evidence-based data. Therefore, EFT is scientifically proven.

When two people decide to join together in love, their lives are also combined. This can mean double the fun but also double the challenges. The development of emotionally focused couples therapy has allowed couples to find balance and boundaries in their relationships.

EFT’s primary goal is to have couples express their deepest emotions without fear of their partner’s judgment. Often, you see there is a dominant and a submissive partner in a relationship. Emotionally focused therapy allows both parties to be seen as equals instead. This type of psychotherapy has paved a safe space for people in a relationship yet in constant fear or anxiousness.

A three-stages cycled is followed in emotionally focused couples therapy. De-escalation stage, as the first one, refers to the part wherein couples identify their problems. Therapists often hear about a lack of positive communication between the two parties being the central issue in their relationships.


The couple, guided by their EFT therapist, will then work to get to the second stage: changing interaction patterns. As couples have already identified their problems, they think of ways to address these issues and mend whatever is needed for the relationship to work. The therapist will use different methods to help couples in this particular phase, such as tapping points.

Lastly, in the third stage, the EFT therapist will act as a facilitator. Couples should overcome their problem cycle by incorporating new goals and plans for their relationship’s future.

It is unfortunate how couples’ therapy’s demand increases daily, as many people continue to find distress in their relationships. However, emotionally focused couples therapy has been proven to be short and effective psychotherapy for couples.

Make a joint effort with your partner. Take action now. Save your relationship.

Adulting And Mental Health Issues


I grew up in a single-parent household with three other siblings, and for at least ten years of my life, we were moving to a different house. At times we could stay a little longer, but there were also times when we would only be there for a couple of months before we would eventually move again. I remember how draining it was for me to be moving constantly, and having to readjust to the neighborhood again, getting to know other people, making new friends. It was a difficult time in my life with all the change that was going on.

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Rental Home For The Family


Raising a family is not that easy. You have to consider a lot of things since you will not be dealing with yourself alone in this phase. One of the primary things that a newly married couple should consider would be having their new home for their family – be it owned or rented. And since owning a home entails a lot of hard work and savings, others opt to rent a house or an apartment. Since they are still starting to build a family on their own, they may consider renting first and save extra funds to own a house later.

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Quarantined In My Flat – How I Survived

Honestly, this pandemic situation caused me a lot of mixed emotions. First, it stopped me from getting outside and doing the things I usually do. It made me deal with a jobless situation and face the uncertainty without anything on my hand. Second, it took away my sense of security because I was not sure how to deal with my financial and social issues. Third, it gave me stress and anxiety, which is, by the way, is the worst of all because I live alone in my flat. Now I think about all the things in my life. I knew the fear I have caused an emotional and mental dysfunction. So how am I surviving despite all this stuff?


Do What You Can Do

One thing I learned from the experience of living alone in my flat is always to use the things that are available. Never wished to have something that is not there because it would only make you feel less focused on finding a solution to a problem. Let say, for example, you need to have food on the table. With regards to convenience, you would want to have your food delivered to you by someone from the outside since you are on lockdown. But why not make your meal? That way, you can avoid exposing yourself from the virus because you might never know if that person in your doorstep is a carrier of the infection or not. As for me, I never relied on food deliveries because I also want to secure the other person’s health in some ways.


Stay Motivated Even Though You’re Alone

It is always a struggle for a lot of people to be alone. It causes sadness and emptiness that somehow leads to isolation. Honestly, I was there. I experienced the entire emotional dilemma that I know I wasn’t supposed to have. But as I viewed myself in this pandemic situation, I thought that I only have myself in this battle. Thus, I have to get motivated. So every time I woke up in the morning, I started my day with a smile. And even though I sometimes felt that life is unfair, I knew I have to stick to what is more important. That is to stay focused, healthy, and alive. But note, it took me a couple of weeks to finally come to my senses and think about that. So I guess it is never that easy.


Take Each Moment To Be Thankful For Everything

The problem with most individuals is that they do not often like to compromise. Some are insensitive to understand that there are things they cannot control. With that, they filled their lives with complaints and regrets. But as for me, I liked how I spent time alone with myself. Honestly, this pandemic situation made me realize I am more than what I think I am. I became aware of the people surrounding me, and I saw their significance in my life. I became conscious of the things I can do physically, mentally, and emotionally. Somehow, it made me think that even though I am alone right now, there is nothing much I should worry about as long as I had my overall balance.



Well, despite the uncertainties of this Coronavirus situation, I can say that I appreciate the way I handled myself. Again, it was never easy, and I struggled a lot. However, those struggles I experienced were not enough to make me quit living. And with a positive mindset that I inserted on my head, I survived my home quarantine experience.

Minimalist Designs That Will Promote A Stress-Free Life


The 2019 Real Estate Conference discussed the latest trends in real estate today. One of the topics which stood out was how minimalist movement is taking over the world of design. According to experts, aside from the freshness, it provides our homes, it also offers a cleansing to the soul. The reason behind this is that it promotes a stress-free life if applied.

With these in mind, here are some minimalist designs that you can adapt to your home.


The best way to start with transforming your house into a minimalist zone is to declutter. Set aside a day or two for this. Everything that you know is not essential to your everyday living must be stored in your basement. Then, you should adequately arrange the things that leave in your space.

Make sure to do this at least once a month or whenever you feel the reemergence of clutter. Having a clean space will make you feel relaxed as compared to a messy one.

Buy Space Enhancing Furniture


If you’re just two people at home, do you need a dining table for eight guests? Do you also need a three-piece suite for this? The answer is no. These things will only take up unnecessary space and will make your room smaller.

So, how do you do this? You may purchase dual furniture. For instance, a table that you use for your work can also be attached to the wall when you’re not using it. Managing your space will lower your stress since you don’t have to worry about regularly rearranging to make way for other furniture.

Simplify Color Schemes


Believe it or not, color schemes are essential when creating the best look for your interior. Putting too many contrasting and bright colors will only transform the space into a cluttered and inhibited one. The best way to go about this is to apply two to three colors at most. This technique will ensure that the room will create a vibe of focus and relaxation.

A minimalist mindset is difficult to achieve at first. You might be too hesitant to let go of some things that contain some of your memories. However, science proved that minimalism has the power to reduce the anxiety and stress you feel. Try it out before stress takes hold of you.

The Flat Life – Hello, COVID-19!


COVID-19 has led everyone on this planet to stay at home and not go out. It is the only way to lessen the spread of the virus – stay at home, frequent handwashing, social distancing, and self-quarantine. It would have been a better situation for everyone if we all lived on a farm with a huge green space, a suburban home with a garden, patio, and balcony, or a huge apartment that has space for everything. But what if you live in a flat, a tiny place that you share with three other people?

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Finding Home Away From Home

The 2017 Migration Conference tackles how the changes in our constantly shifting world move people away from their homeland to foreign lands surrounded by a different society. Millions of people travel miles looking for a new home as circumstances force them to migrate.


Different people move houses for various reasons. Some simply want a change of scenery. Meanwhile, for some nations and their people, they have no choice but to flee as their lives are threatened by war, violence, and unrest in their very homeland. They are forced to migrate to other countries hoping for a better life. However, multiple issues may arise from this:

Safety In A Foreign Land

Escaping from violence only to run into another hostile and discriminating community is a collective experience and problem for immigrants. Many societies are aggressive toward them, and they are often seen as threats and outsiders who do not belong. Immigrants often get threats to their safety when they are merely searching for a place to live in peace.

Fitting In

No man is an island. We all live in a society with different cultures and practices, and we tend to conform to these norms to fit in. Perhaps as a response to the threats they receive, immigrants attempt to change to fit in better and belong in their new settlement. In turn, this leads to the last but equally pressing issue.


Cultural Identity

Each society, nation, and group in human civilization has its own cultural identity that makes it unique to others. For displaced people, spread far and wide, away from their homeland, and surrounded by foreign culture, it can be challenging to hold on to your nation’s dances, rituals, beliefs, and practices. Losing this may mean losing your connection with your homeland and for others, their selves.

With these problems faced by displaced nations, is it still possible to find their home away from home? The world is vast and full of different people. Many are violent and discriminating; some are forceful and threatening. However, there are also plenty of open arms and welcoming smiles. Settling in a different country is filled with challenges, but it is not impossible. Be brave, move forward, and never forget who you are and your nation’s story.

I Choose To Live In An Urban Area Because Of These


I understand that not all people are like me who find complete happiness in the toxic and stressful parts of the city. But honestly, I like it that way. I respect that some individuals find it more relaxing and calm to live in rural areas. There are trees everywhere, and the sound of nature is very amusing. But for the likes of me, I can’t live being away from the busy streets for long.

Reasons Why

I prefer to live and stay in an urban area because I do not like the feeling of being alone. Yes, there is stress and pressure in the city, but that is what makes it challenging. As much as I want to calm and keep my mental and emotional health intact, I appreciate the way how the city is making me susceptible to overall damage. That is because I can allow myself to think through things for the sake of physical, emotional, and mental survival. I can say that the toxicity of the city helps a lot in creating an adaptive personality that can withstand stress and anxiety.


However, I fully understand that some of the elements of stress in the city do not contribute to improving overall health. In unfortunate cases, even if the goal is to become mentally and emotionally healthy, the city’s toxicities cause more damage than benefits. But regardless of those possibilities, I prefer the city because of the help I can get. Yes, in every instance of emotional and mental pressure, the city allows me to seek aid. Whether it is a professional or merely a friendly one, I can quickly get that.

The city can never promise me anything. It can never secure my improved mental and emotional health, as well. But one great thing about living in it is the growth and development of my interpersonal aspects. It allows me to experience interaction, solidarity, love, affection, and social connection. There is room for improvement and commitment. Yes, these things can never ensure a great combination of enhanced skills too. But the idea of knowing and understanding myself through the pressure of fixing my interpersonal aspects, the city elements can become a great help to that.


The city is not at all peace-friendly. A lot of times, it creates and triggers more drama. It causes too much mental and emotional instability that instantly makes me weak and vulnerable. But even if that is the case, the city allows me to become a better version of myself. I get to experience a lot of hardships, struggles, and negative vibes, which makes me more dedicated to things I want to achieve. The city offers opportunities that help in building not only my character but taking my life views to a whole new different level.

Not all people will agree with my beliefs about living in the city. Some people will never understand my enthusiast for keeping city life. But I don’t care. I still prefer to choose to live in an urban area regardless of the circumstances.

Are Cities Worth Our Emotional And Mental Health?


Modern cities are not like a typical environment where all of us feel the need to get involved. We know that for a fact, but it seems like there is nothing we can do. We know we like peace, but we agree with the noise. We hate toxicity and stress, but we try to learn to adapt to it by all means. So honestly, what are the issues that we have to solve in this particular scenario when we can alter the design of our physical, emotional, and mental health, and force it to stay in contact with city pressures?


Are Cities Making Us Sad?

Honestly, it does make us sad. That is because of the population density where there are tons of people cramming to fit into a tiny space. At first, we might not be able to notice that. But with all the people that can potentially surround each other, social stress can grow significantly. It can make us feel uneasy and hard to breathe. There are constant complaints and unsolicited opinions that can become an emotional and mental threat. People with different personalities clash, and that often results in the desire for isolation. In some unfortunate instances, too many people in a particular area lead to indecisive character build-up. So imagine how things can become a lot stressful for individuals who only want to have a better life?

If the cities are full of people, then expect it to have more pollution. Primarily, pollution comes in many forms. We experience the endless roar of combustion engines day and night. Chemicals are in the air from vehicle exhausts. There are even noises of different people everywhere and trash all over the streets. Honestly, you can name a lot of pollution for as many as you want. These things can entirely affect someone’s mood. With the mess we see daily, we can say that stuff in the cities is a bit too much. There are many adjustments that we have to deal with.


Can City Issues Cause Depression?

Apparently, yes!  A lot of issues that concern city toxicity can cause anxiety and depression. The increased brain activity in forcing itself to comprehend, adjust, and compete with the environment is way too much to handle. Yes, there may be those people who can potentially escape the outcome of city toxicity. Unfortunately, there are those city dwellers that cannot handle it. With that, they become more prone to anxiety and depression, associated with agitation, exaggeration, and exhaustion.

Honestly, we, humans do not entirely understand how social interaction and adaptation means. We only know we need to engage with different individuals for survival. That is, regardless of the space we are at seems compressed a little. It is a mechanism that we understand and believe to be the way for us to survive. But with the reality of stress and pressure we get from the city’s overall demanding ways, there is this sense that it is sometimes not worth our mental and emotional health.

Surviving Stress In The City


When you try and navigate the city and deal with its rush and business, there are lots of internal thoughts that could go in your head. That is where you experience stress at a different level. With all the toxicity and pressure from a single goal, such as surviving and breaking through, the process of keeping up with the city’s way of life is sometimes exhausting. That is the reason why you have to follow simple guidelines that will help you manage and deal with stress in the city.

New research published a few weeks ago in the journal Nature shows that the brains of city and country folk respond differently to stress. Specifically, when put in a stressful situation, those who either grew up in the city or currently reside in heavily populated areas showed increased activation in areas of the brain responsible for processing negative emotions relative to folks in less populated areas. — Sian Beilock Ph.D.

Learn To Adapt

The city is a busy area where peace and quietness are seldom. If you choose to stick around to the nature of the environment, you have to learn to adapt. There is no way you can make people stop doing what they regularly do. You cannot silence the children on the street, or even stop vehicles from honking. One better way to manage all those things that makes you feel uneasy is by adapting to it. Learning to adjust does not mean you have to contribute to the stress also. Instead, changing means, you have to find better ways to resolve things without throwing a single complaint.


 Cognition in its many forms is an evolutionary trait that develops complexity when it provides an advantage. — John M. Marzluff Ph.D.

Find Your Fortress

If the city is where your heart belongs, then you sure know where your fortress is at. One thing that enables you to fight city stress is finding the right spot that allows you to appreciate the busy streets. If in case it is your apartment, then looking at the people crossing down the streets will give you pleasure. If it is the bars, then hanging out with friends and co-workers might be a great moment. If in case it is your job, then being able to do your task can become worry-free with or without you on the field. Finding your fortress in the city allows you to distress yourself with the help of focus and appreciation.


Investigators believe the need to continuously process multitudes of fleeting but compelling stimuli can impair mental processes like memory and attention and leave us mentally exhausted. — Rick Nauert PhD

Allow Time For Yourself

Even if the city can become one of the most toxic places on Earth that throw stress and pressure, it can also become an area for improvement. Stress in the city is everywhere, and one thing that can make you handle those pressures is by allowing some time for yourself. Meaning, you need to break free even once in a while. Yes, responsibilities matter, and priorities are highly in demand. But once you manage to allow time for yourself, you will be able to refresh everything and make a better start. From that, things will become different and a lot easier.

Try To Ignore

Well, the stress in the city is quite exhausting. With all the damage it can cause to emotional and mental health, everything negative about it leads to an unpleasant ending. However, the best practical way to deal with all those pressure is by ignoring it. Meaning, you have to ignore stress in a way that you will still make use of your time productively. Therefore, those little things that don’t matter should never matter at all.

Surviving stress in the city is quite hard to do. But once you get a hold of the techniques of how to do it, things can run smoothly.