Frequently Asked Questions About Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

One thing that makes humans unique is their ability to form bonds and create meaningful relationships. You see this connection in families, in friendships, in workplaces, and a whole lot more. And in these connections lie one of the most profound emotions in the world: love. As a French novelist once said, “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”

According to the Ancient Greeks, there are different types of love. There is the so-called storge, referring to a love that exists between a family. On the other hand, eros perfectly describes a physical, emotional, and sexual attraction to another individual. This is the type of love seen in romantic relationships, whether in dating or marriage.

Romantic relationships are perhaps the most complicated and most unstable form out of all relationships. Psychology defines a romantic relationship as a voluntary connection between two individuals with mutual liking and understanding. People who enter this type of relationship have intentions to become a long and significant part of each other’s life. The two people in a relationship are referred to as a couple, meaning to pair up by society.


Despite the mutual liking and understanding between couples, many people find differences in their relationships later on. These dissimilarities are often caused by habits, lifestyle, opinions, beliefs, culture, and many more. After all, each individual is still unique in their ways.

When couples find themselves drifting further and further away from their relationship, most begin to seek a therapist’s help. One of the most common couples therapy is emotionally focused couples therapy.

If you are in a relationship and you and your partner are trying to save the love, you might want to try EFT. Here are some of the frequently asked questions about it:

What is emotion-focused couples therapy?

Emotion-focused couples therapy or EFT is an approach in psychotherapy concerned with helping any marital or relationship disputes or distress. Its primary goal is to identify any stressor between the couples and guide them to secure and improve their relationship based on their emotional well-being. It is also established following the attachment theory, meaning two individuals share an affectionate bond.

Does emotionally focused couples therapy work?

Yes. According to recent studies, about 90% of couples who have undergone EFT have shown significant improvement in their relationships. Emotionally focused couples therapy is now considered one of the most effective treatment approaches for relationships.

How do you use emotion-focused therapy?

Our emotions tell us a lot about our lives. They are vital factors, and emotion-focused therapy helps us recognize their importance. Therapists often recommend EFT in couples to help them raise awareness of their emotions and which one of those emotions will help them achieve their goals. In EFT, individuals are also guided in coping in any event an intense feeling of emotion arises. These are some of the uses of emotion-focused therapy.

What are the stages of EFT?

There are three stages of EFT, and each stage has its steps to follow. The first stage is called the de-escalation phase, wherein the assessment of the relationship and its history is made. Next is the changing interaction patterns or bonding phase. This is the part where the partners express their emotions, needs, and goals. Consolidation or integration is the last stage when the therapist addresses new solutions to address old problems, and the partners bond together to create future plans.

What are the 9 tapping points?

EFT follows the same nine tapping points in tapping therapy: top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, collar bone, underarm, and karate chop. These are the body parts or spots a person taps to stimulate the body and relieve it from any pain. Tapping is a technique known to help with anxiety or fear.

What are the pressure points for tapping?

As mentioned earlier, nine tapping points and eight are the main pressure points for the technique. The top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, collar bone, and underarm. Tapping therapy works like acupuncture, putting pressure into the said points to release any negative energy or emotions in the body.

How many times a day should you do tapping?

There are no required times in a day that you should tap. However, it is recommended that an individual practicing EFT should tap at least 3-5 times daily for about 3-5 minutes each time.

Does tapping help you lose weight?

Tapping does not necessarily help one lose weight. All the research and data regarding the topic are purely anecdotal at this point. There are some cases wherein tapping has helped individuals curb their appetite, resulting in their weight loss. However, the result is not always the same for everyone. If you are trying to lose weight, physicians and therapists still recommend eating healthy and getting enough exercise.


Does tapping relieve pain?

The simple answer is yes. Like the traditional Chinese medical practice of acupuncture, tapping therapy allows pressure points to stimulate the body. Stimulating the body means relieving it from any physical pain or emotional distress.

Can you do EFT on yourself?

Absolutely. EFT is proven to be an excellent self-help tool. It is effortless yet effective. One can begin EFT by acknowledging his/her feelings at the very moment and then start by tapping one of the pressure points. You can continue tapping on different points while simultaneously thinking or speaking affirmations out loud.

How long does it take for EFT tapping to work?

EFT tapping is one of those one-minute wonders or miracles. It works and shows you significant improvement almost always instantly. After doing EFT tapping three to five times daily, you may feel immediate comfort or relief. However, this does not guarantee that you are cured. There will still be moments when you will feel anxious, worried, or scared, and that is okay. You can try and do EFT tapping for as long as you can until you feel better altogether.

Is EFT scientifically proven?

Yes. There has been an extensive study on EFT’s effectiveness as a treatment approach, especially for mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and phobias. Each research has been conclusive and has brought back evidence-based data. Therefore, EFT is scientifically proven.

When two people decide to join together in love, their lives are also combined. This can mean double the fun but also double the challenges. The development of emotionally focused couples therapy has allowed couples to find balance and boundaries in their relationships.

EFT’s primary goal is to have couples express their deepest emotions without fear of their partner’s judgment. Often, you see there is a dominant and a submissive partner in a relationship. Emotionally focused therapy allows both parties to be seen as equals instead. This type of psychotherapy has paved a safe space for people in a relationship yet in constant fear or anxiousness.

A three-stages cycled is followed in emotionally focused couples therapy. De-escalation stage, as the first one, refers to the part wherein couples identify their problems. Therapists often hear about a lack of positive communication between the two parties being the central issue in their relationships.


The couple, guided by their EFT therapist, will then work to get to the second stage: changing interaction patterns. As couples have already identified their problems, they think of ways to address these issues and mend whatever is needed for the relationship to work. The therapist will use different methods to help couples in this particular phase, such as tapping points.

Lastly, in the third stage, the EFT therapist will act as a facilitator. Couples should overcome their problem cycle by incorporating new goals and plans for their relationship’s future.

It is unfortunate how couples’ therapy’s demand increases daily, as many people continue to find distress in their relationships. However, emotionally focused couples therapy has been proven to be short and effective psychotherapy for couples.

Make a joint effort with your partner. Take action now. Save your relationship.

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